I was recently asked by my friend Johanna of Laurel Box if I could share my miscarriage story for her Motherhood: Rewritten project.
If you haven’t heard of this project or had a chance to read it I would encourage you to make time for this beautiful series of stories. Just like the name implies this project showcases the different definitions of motherhood. Motherhood: Rewritten are stories for support and encouragement, from women who have lived Mother’s Day outside what culture claims as the norm.
I decided to get a sitter for my girls one afternoon so I could head to the coffee shop to write my piece. This was going to be emotional for me to relive this experience and I needed to be by myself.
I hadn’t really written about my miscarriage story in over 4 years and to be honest I had no idea where I was going to go with this post.
I ordered my vanilla latte, opened my computer and sat for a while before the words came to me. After some time I really started to focus on my experience and how I grieved. I started to think about the different ways women can grieve the loss of a pregnancy. I wanted to share the loneliness and fear that came with mine.
I hope you will take some time and read my piece for Motherhood: Rewritten. So many tears went into this post and it’s one I’m truly proud of.
Here is a short excerpt of my miscarriage story:
The sun beat down on my back as I watched my tears hit the cement of the driveway. It was so warm this day, as most Florida days are. On this day the scorching sun felt comforting, its rays wrapping me like a nostalgic blanket.
On this day, on my driveway, as God whispered into my ear and wrapped me with rays of sun. As I laid my grief before Him, my strength grew. I felt comfort and I knew that my healing could only begin once I chose to come out of the darkness.
I felt liberated.
I didn’t have to hide anymore. I didn’t have to feel bad about the days I spent mourning the idea of holding my beautiful babies in my arms. I didn’t have to go to the baby shower and hide behind a smiling face. I didn’t have to be alone, but I also could be if I chose to.
It took me four lonely months, but I finally understood what it felt like to allow myself to mourn. I learned that hiding from the pain doesn’t make it easier.
God didn’t promise me days without pain, but He did promise strength for the way. I didn’t have to be scared or ashamed anymore.
I hope you will go over and read my entire miscarriage story as well as some of the other stories in this series. Grab your coffee, and a few tissues. You are sure to be moved and touched by some of the most beautiful stories written by some courageous women.
You can read more of the real and raw of motherhood in the MOTHERHOOD section of my site. Click HERE to read more.
